Preparing for goodbye

The post I started before I left Alaska...

I thought that I would figure things out. I haven't. I thought he would say something. He hasn't.

He has possibly tried to tell me how he feels. It is possible that I am misreading everything. I found out that we are very very very bad at communication.

...What happened after:

He loves me. He doesn't want me. I cried. We are friends. I left. I came home. I am just fine. Really. I promise.

The sad part: I still really love Juneau. And I still want to live there. But now I feel like I can't. Darn.

The other sad part: He can't get over it, so now he is all aloofish thinking I need more space. I want him to know that 900+ miles is quite enough space for everything to settle into its space.

The saddest part: It was the worst and best of Andrew relived in 10 days. But I took better care of myself this time. But I know that I would have gone for it if he would have. And then I would have been miserable for who knows how long until I figured out I was walking that way again. It's not that they are terrible men. They are just not what I want. I need to learn how to figure that out before I invest myself.

The reality: I wanted a new adventure. I wanted love to be that adventure. I just wanted to fall in love. I didn't care with whom. He was just a convenient great story. But I even told the fam when I spoke with them from Alaska that he was moody and not for me. but I still wanted it. Now I know that I can have adventure. and I told my boss today that I am ready to start looking at transfers so I can find that adventure.

Like Boston. What do you think of Boston?