Aloha Nui Loa

We had the Lu'au. Ace posted pictures. It was a miracle that anything happened at all. All of the work and all of the play turned out beautifully, but so many things could have gone wrong (or I should say so many MORE things...) My family is lovely. They come together in so many ways. We all look to our leadership to guide us. Auntie Jeanette said the most wonderful things and had us all in tears. Auntie Peggy danced hula and had us all mesmerized. Heather and I were the sunshine twins on uppers. Peter and the boys roasted some mean pig (or so I am told). Grandpa oversaw it all casting orders left and right as though his hand alone would direct the ways of men. We all found our roles and played them well. Aloha nui loa.

The week was so busy I don't really know how to talk about it. There was so so so much that happened. Virgil came again and made himself known. I thought that was all over, but apparently I was wrong. I have never heard a man talk like that before. I didn't understand that he was so in love. I did understand that nothing has changed for me. I still don't want that life. I still don't want him. It still hurts. Aloha nui loa

I have been talking to Alaska-Benji more than maybe I should. I think it is entirely possible that I have worn out my welcome before I am even there. Part of me says, "yeah but he calls you". The other part says, "only because he is trying to be nice..." It doesn't really matter. I am going to Alaska, awkward or not. I am going to build a yurt, hard work or not. I am going to see the beauty, rainy or not. At the end of the day, I have absolutely no concrete conjectures about what this trip will bring to my life, or what it won't. So I might as well stop trying to figure it all out and just let it be. Only 11 days left. Aloha au ia oe.

In the end that's the difference. Aloha Nui Loa or Aloha au ia oe.