Thursday, June 30, 2011

Cleaning up

Last night Lillian and I cleaned out our old apartment for the last time, in preparation for our walk through today. I expected to be nostalgic and I was a little, but not like I usually am when I leave "home". As I said to Lillian last night, I am going to miss only 1 thing about that place and Lillian is it. Two years with this girl was awesome. She rocks my world and we laugh so much. I will miss seeing her every day.

Bringing the final remnants of my old house into my new house was odd. It was all that stuff I'd rather forget about than acknowledge. So now I have more cleaning up to do. That is certainly not the end of the world, because I now I have Friday night off, because boyfriend changed date night to Saturday night, so I'm going to clean up my new apartment and get it ready to be visited by a very good friend and maybe her precious daughter.

This is all pretty great. pretty great.

PS. I bought running shoes.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Making home

I am in love with my new apartment. I have so many plans for the space, and so many ideas about how I will live here. I love love love it. When I moved in it was immediately obvious that the landlord had done absolutely nothing to make the apartment any cleaner than it was when the previous tenant left. They were not planning paint the dirty walls, or cleaning the nasty kitchen floor, or wash the bird poop covered windows. They were not going to replace the burn in the carpet or even clean (or vacuum) the carpet, or even rid the shower stall of some mildew. So I have my work cut out for me. Some of this is already taken care of... some of it is still to come.

Changes coming up...
1. There is a yellow wall in the living room, which matches the yellow in the bathroom. Both will be painted a light greenish blue that matches my living room lamps and bathroom floor rugs. It will be lovely.
2. Blinds in my room. Currently there is no covering on the window in my bedroom, but I purchased blinds today that match my bedside tables.
3. Blinds in the kitchen. There is also no window covering in the kitchen. I wouldn't normally care about that, but I'd like to get something to block out the heat and the sun. Since my apartment is on the 3 floor of a 3 floor building and has eastern facing windows, it can get relatively warm in there. I wanted to go with curtains, but the ones I liked for the kitchen wouldn't keep out the heat.
4. I need to hang all of my art. So far the Naked Lady has gone up, and of course the first thing to go up was my crucifix, but everything else is still leaning against walls. I haven't decided where everything will go yet. All the furniture is in place, but now I need to arrange and decorate my walls - after I wash them of course.
5. I have to finish lining my shelves with new contact paper, the gripping kind. I like the gripping kind.
6. I need to clean my carpets with a carpet cleaner... you know.. the kind you rent at the grocery store.
7. I need to grocery shop... to fill my new cupboards with lovely food.

I am also making myself at home with this whole residency thing. Well mostly, I should say my boyfriend is freaking fabulous and is doing everything he can to make this seem normal and easy for me. And it's working. It doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore. I know we'll make it and that is wonderful.

PS. My birthday is in just 10 days. I'm pretty excited about that.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Residency and the worst ideas ever...

Ananth started residency today. I am feeling better already, mostly because I'm not dreading it starting anymore. Now I'm just living in it. For example, I will not see my wonderful boyfriend until Friday... or maybe Saturday... or maybe not. Nothing is absolute anymore. However, I am confident that I will not see him this week, so instead of dreading next week, I can put my efforts into working hard this week, so that this weekend I can focus on moving out of my apartment and hopefully seeing my boyfriend. So this is easier than last week. I don't feel like crying every moment.

There are bad ideas that accompany missing your boyfriend. For example (it's an examply kind of day): Facebook stalking him. Today I learned that all of the women my boyfriend has been in a relationship with since 2006 were gorgeous blondes. Note to the blogger world: I am not a gorgeous blond. And I'm a little fat. I am generally not the girl that feel unworthy or less beautiful. I am very pretty. And I have lots of great qualities. And my boyfriend picked me. I know he likes me. etc. But I will admit, I've never questioned my own beauty more than I am today after finding out just how pretty my boyfriend's ex's are. I am not upset. And I don't want to cry. Really I just feel ridiculous. And stupid. I did this to myself. It was admittedly a very bad idea.

Worse still than the idea to facebook stalk my boyfriend and by extension his ex girlfriends, is the idea to take in my father for a few weeks while his apartment gets ready. My father has put down a deposit on a place, and will eventually get in, but probably not until the beginning of July. So my very alcoholic, ornery, and sometime just down right obnoxious father is going to stay with me. While I pack and move. Did I mention that I work from home?

Overall I really want it to be like July 7th. On July 7th, it will be almost my birthday (and incidentally my sister in laws birthday), my father won't be here anymore, and I will be (hopefully) used to not seeing my boyfriend for weeks on end. Oh. And I will be in my new apartment.

PS I am pretty sure my boyfriend is getting me a Wii for my birthday. He really needs to work on this whole "surprise" thing. I love surprises. He is very bad at them.

Thursday, June 16, 2011


I go back to work today after 2 days of vacation and a lot of time with the boyfriend. We had a great time and I am so very happy that we got the opportunity to spend some solid time together before he starts residency next week.

I am terrible at change. TERRIBLE. The last 3 months have been building up to this week for me. This one last week before my relationship wanders casually into the "unknown". I absolutely know that I am going to be okay and that my relationship is going to be fine, but I must admit that I am terrified of being left. If there is one thing I could really despise my father for it is this wretched abandonment issue.

I am really proud of myself though, because even though I cried like a little girl saying goodbye to him last night, I didn't ask him to stay and I wanted him to go. I wanted him to take care of himself. And I recognized that I was just sad and a little scared. I felt like I was saying goodbye. I wasn't trying to manipulate, which I have done before in other relationships.

I'm mostly a happy camper, because I have a new apartment and a wonderful boyfriend and a job. And even though making all those things work in the next few weeks is overwhelming, I don't want to give up on them and I cherish them. And I'm happy that these things are not death and illness like they were last year.

So here we go change and transition. Let's do this.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Selling my soul

Dear World,

I feel cynical today. A little snarky. I want to talk trash. Instead I have a conference call with my boss where I must be bright and cheery or she will not believe that I am committed to the company's core values. Since when is cheeriness a core value?

I am in the mood to clean things. So I cleaned my apartment. But now there is nothing left to clean, so I'm going to organize my bills. That's gross. I'm thinking about making a spreadsheet for them, but that seems like a waste of time. I want to color code it and have it link to my calendar with sparkling timers of joy that go off every time something is due to be paid, which will erupt into fireworks of congratulations when I actually pay something off. I wish fireworks would go off every time I paid a bill. I would be so much more motivated to pay my bills early, instead of just on time.

I bought new shoes, but they are not summer shoes. They are fall shoes. So I don't think I can bring myself to wear them yet. But they are very cute.

Last night boyfriend was not on the same page as me. I wanted to play games and have fun. He wanted to be quiet and cuddle.

Ugh the boss is calling.