Monday, May 18, 2009

too many...

I went on three dates in a 24 hour period. 3. I find this simultaneously hilarious and exhausting. And stupid.

I will never do this again for these reasons:
1. I can feel myself ceasing to treat these people as humans.
2. I am becoming more and more checklisty and objective with them, rather than interactive and subjective.
3. I feel like an empty shell with no soul.
4. and a prostitute.

Is this really supposed to be this difficult? Maybe I waited to long to date again, and now I have unrealistic expectations and a calloused heart. Or maybe one date isn't enough to tell. Or maybe (and this is mostly likely the case) I seriously don't know what the hell I'm doing because I have only been in one relationship, and I knew I was going to love him before we even started dating, and I am looking for that same foreknowledge again, except it will never happen again, but I used it up on the last guy. (I am extremely aware of the length of that sentence and the rambling nature of this blog. You will have to excuse it. It is after all 12:10 in the morning and I only just ate my first meal of yesterday about 20 minutes ago.)

That's my next topic. How did I manage to go more that 24 hours without food and not notice my craving. I seriously wanted nothing. Bizarre. I think there is something wrong with me. Leprosy of the soul. I can feel no pain, no love, no emotion because my soul is disease ridden.

Okay now that I have self diagnosed myself with something as embarrassing as leprosy, I am going to bed.

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