I know. He's beautiful. Wanting what we can't have, and especially when that thing is had by something much greater than ourselves and to a greater end, is disappointing in a way that is so right it does not seem human. Or possibly it is so human that it is incomprehensible to this me that is still learning the most of the humanity. Don't think I am crazy for crushing on a Priest. It's not like a normal crush. It's like my crush on John Prendergast or George Clooney or Don Cheadle. It's the kind where I would marry any of them (though all of them are either married, strongly connected, or celibate) in this very moment, just because of the men they have made of themselves, even if they are not the most fabulous people (although I childishly believe them to the most perfected imperfect men I've encountered still living today). This is also how I feel about Jesus. I would follow him (and His Father) into eternity, just because of what they are... even if who they are turns out to be really horrifying.
However, I am thinking today, that maybe this is not the best of all things. Possibly what is best, is not what I expect, but something altogether different. And that may just be alright. Or possibly acknowledging that there are things that I would pine for, even while knowing that having them is not right. For example, I would never want a priest to leave the priesthood for me. That would be wrong in the worst way. So maybe it is not horrible to acknowledge what I want, what is there for me, and what I can't have... like unrequited love and its nobility. Maybe I just don't know what I'm talking about.