Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Salvaging my Sanctity

I decided, just today, that I have GOT to get out of this place. I am going to kill myself by overdoing if I don't. So I'm leaving.

On April 3rd, I will rise early, pack my car and drive off into the big grey unknown for an already reserved weekend trip to the ocean. That is only a little over a week away until I get to have two nights and almost three days all to my lonesome so my heart can breathe, my soul can weep in peace, and my ears can finally relax a little. While they do all of that, my eyes will take in the majesty of the waves, my mind will fill up on its secret obsession (Louis L'amour!!!... reading Hondo right now and loving it.), and my fingers will write and write and write. Oh how I can't wait to be away.

I have to tell you that every time I go to the ocean there is a ritual that I diligently keep. As soon as I am out of the car, I race to the beach, and greet those great crashing monsters that beat against the shore. As I spread my arms and speed my feet, I can hear them calling, WELCOME HOME DARLING! and my heart always overflows with joy and my eyes with all of the tears I haven't been able to shed. My toes hit the icy waters, my lungs fill as I gasp in pain, and my heart tears anew at the rightness of our union. Every. Single. Time.

I can remember this even as a child. In fact, my only broken bone, ever, was a toe I broke running in the sand in my rush to greet the waves when I was 11 or 12. It's amazing to me how even now, after 20 years of doing this, I still feel the same way. Like there is some unknown old man living out there, whose fingers are the waves, and whose soul is the ice cold water. He creeps up to hold me and take me to him. I cannot go, but must meet him where I stand. We hold hands and understand each other even as we live in such different worlds. It is utter perfection. Even just the thought of seeing him again, brings a sigh of utter peace and contentment. Totally worth the $70 charge to my credit card (got to love winter rates!!!)

So huzpas. I'm going away.

PS. I got new tires on my car and I am getting my brakes done next week. And my hair done tomorrow.


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