I go back to work today after 2 days of vacation and a lot of time with the boyfriend. We had a great time and I am so very happy that we got the opportunity to spend some solid time together before he starts residency next week.
I am terrible at change. TERRIBLE. The last 3 months have been building up to this week for me. This one last week before my relationship wanders casually into the "unknown". I absolutely know that I am going to be okay and that my relationship is going to be fine, but I must admit that I am terrified of being left. If there is one thing I could really despise my father for it is this wretched abandonment issue.
I am really proud of myself though, because even though I cried like a little girl saying goodbye to him last night, I didn't ask him to stay and I wanted him to go. I wanted him to take care of himself. And I recognized that I was just sad and a little scared. I felt like I was saying goodbye. I wasn't trying to manipulate, which I have done before in other relationships.
I'm mostly a happy camper, because I have a new apartment and a wonderful boyfriend and a job. And even though making all those things work in the next few weeks is overwhelming, I don't want to give up on them and I cherish them. And I'm happy that these things are not death and illness like they were last year.
So here we go change and transition. Let's do this.