For reals

Dating for reals is so very different than dating for fun. It's way more fun... but it takes SO much more energy. Feeling this much this often might eventually drive me crazy.

I'm feeling less afraid. Still nervous often and still often scared, but so much less so. I just have to keep breathing and keep processing. It's a lot of work. I can't believe how much more sleep I need now. It's a little ridiculous.

But this guy is pretty great. Lillian chose his name. Scrubs. Cause then he has a theme song, "I'm no Superman..." and because he is a doctor. He's a doctor. I like that part.

I still don't know what I'm doing with someone so much more emotionally advanced than I am. We don't match. From the outside I look good. I dress well, I am overly confident, I have it all. He is quiet and serious and a complete nerd. But on the inside I am huge mess and fall apart all over the place. I'm not well put together or confident at all. He is all put together and knows exactly what he is doing. On the inside he's the cool kid and I am the shy and quiet nerd.

It's a little surreal. Cause I have a boyfriend. And I like him a lot.