What is it about the cold and chilling days of October and November that makes me crave male attention? I sit here, finally attaining what I have craved all week, time to myself with my laptop, a book, and the TV, and all I can want is a warm man at the other end of the couch to sit on top of my frozen toes and hold my hand through the scary parts in the movie I am watching. I don't want him to talk or disrupt my thinking, just to be here, to keep me company, to keep me warm, to keep me safe. And this is the moment when I hate all of the options I have to fulfill that want, to bring that warmth, because none of them is right. So in some respect there is triumph in feeling the annoying cold assaulting all parts of my body not covered by my quilt.
I spent much of my week with JDBman. I must tell you he is really my favorite person in this city. So considerate, kind, hilarious, comfortable, generous. And we are friends in the best of right ways. I just had to tell someone that, and not have them have the ability to say, "Then why aren't you dating him?"
I love how people ask that as though I'm going to have an answer. I don't know why I date the men I do and don't date the ones I don't. Of course sometimes I have a reason... because he is ugly, or mean, or annoying, or proud... but sometimes we are just friends and that is just life. That is just the way things are. So stop asking because I don't have another answer.
It has been over a month since I kissed a boy (I mean willingly and with my consent). I know that doesn't sound very long, but it sounds long to me. Even though before that it had been 3 (maybe 4) months, and before that... mmm maybe 6 months? oh wait that may not be right. The point is that one year ago (almost to the day) it had been years since I had been kissed. Years. So one month should not seem long... but it does.
And I want it to snow.
That is really all I have for now.
B.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Not now Arctic Puffin...
Alaskabenji came to see me this weekend. He was with us Friday night and Sunday night. Friday night was short and sweet. Sunday night was long and lovely. In between he went to Portland and I lived my normal life.
Saturday morning came quickly after my very late night with Alaskabenji. I was up and at 'em at 7:00, off to Cupcake Royale to take thank you sweets and coffee to my coworkers for all of the hard work they have put in on my behalf in the last month or so. Afterward I went home and rested a bit, got ready for choir and off I went. After choir I went to my neph's 2nd birthday. He is so big and his vocabulary is so amazing. I love that little kid.
Sunday was lovely. Cloudy with a Chance of meatballs in 3D with the close fam. Not only was it my first 3D movie (It gave me a headache...) but the story was adorable and brotherBen's laugh made it all fabulous. Afterward Alaskabenji came back and we had beers and cigars at Schultzy's with BenandJess. I slept (sort of) for 1.5 hours on the floor of my living room while Aladdin played in the background. It was a sweet short sleep. I have to say if I could keep Alaskabenji around only when I wanted him, I would be a happy camper. There are days I most certainly would send him back to the arctic, but other days I would keep him close by.
Christmas is in full swing. Every year I celebrate Christmas from October 15th-30th. I love it. It's just for me. I watched my two favorite Christmas movies this weekend with two of my favorite people. Friday night, while waiting for Alaskabenji to arrive, Jessica and I watched The Family Stone. If you have not seen this movie, then you have not seen the man I want to marry (Mr. Luke Wilson at his finest... except that one scene in The Royal Tennenbaum's when he cuts himself shaving. Holy Ishmael). I just love this movie and I cry every single time, during that last scene, around the Christmas tree, when Luke cries, "Then cried Max, 'Let the wild rumpus start!". Great flick. The other movie I watched on Sunday night. ELF is the best Christmas movie in the whole world. I also cry every time I see this one, right near the end, when the dad starts to sing and Santa's sleigh can finally fly after years of not having enough Christmas spirit. I love it. People raising their voices in the joy of humanity and in faith. It's seriously beautiful. This moment was particularly great this time. Although there is no fireplace in my apartment, I was warm and comfortable snuggled neatly under a blanket my mother made and placed ever so perfectly in crook of an Alaskan arm.
Needless to say, I was exhausted at work on Monday, and all I wanted to do was shout, "Not now Arctic Puffin!" every time someone tried to talk to me... but I made it through and now it is Tuesday.
Saturday morning came quickly after my very late night with Alaskabenji. I was up and at 'em at 7:00, off to Cupcake Royale to take thank you sweets and coffee to my coworkers for all of the hard work they have put in on my behalf in the last month or so. Afterward I went home and rested a bit, got ready for choir and off I went. After choir I went to my neph's 2nd birthday. He is so big and his vocabulary is so amazing. I love that little kid.
Sunday was lovely. Cloudy with a Chance of meatballs in 3D with the close fam. Not only was it my first 3D movie (It gave me a headache...) but the story was adorable and brotherBen's laugh made it all fabulous. Afterward Alaskabenji came back and we had beers and cigars at Schultzy's with BenandJess. I slept (sort of) for 1.5 hours on the floor of my living room while Aladdin played in the background. It was a sweet short sleep. I have to say if I could keep Alaskabenji around only when I wanted him, I would be a happy camper. There are days I most certainly would send him back to the arctic, but other days I would keep him close by.
Christmas is in full swing. Every year I celebrate Christmas from October 15th-30th. I love it. It's just for me. I watched my two favorite Christmas movies this weekend with two of my favorite people. Friday night, while waiting for Alaskabenji to arrive, Jessica and I watched The Family Stone. If you have not seen this movie, then you have not seen the man I want to marry (Mr. Luke Wilson at his finest... except that one scene in The Royal Tennenbaum's when he cuts himself shaving. Holy Ishmael). I just love this movie and I cry every single time, during that last scene, around the Christmas tree, when Luke cries, "Then cried Max, 'Let the wild rumpus start!". Great flick. The other movie I watched on Sunday night. ELF is the best Christmas movie in the whole world. I also cry every time I see this one, right near the end, when the dad starts to sing and Santa's sleigh can finally fly after years of not having enough Christmas spirit. I love it. People raising their voices in the joy of humanity and in faith. It's seriously beautiful. This moment was particularly great this time. Although there is no fireplace in my apartment, I was warm and comfortable snuggled neatly under a blanket my mother made and placed ever so perfectly in crook of an Alaskan arm.
Needless to say, I was exhausted at work on Monday, and all I wanted to do was shout, "Not now Arctic Puffin!" every time someone tried to talk to me... but I made it through and now it is Tuesday.
Monday, October 12, 2009
One Flight Down
I flew away this weekend to see my Julie and her Tim. It was a fabulous holiday of relaxation, rest, with the occasional romp. I am tired today, but only due to the 4:30 AM rising and the sleepless flight home.
Friday night was nosh, wine, and banter. Tim went to bed fairly quickly, but Julie and I stayed up until the wee hours catching up and remembering each other. It was lovely to be in the presence of a person who knows me so well despite the fact that we don't talk regularly, and see each other even less. I love this girl.
Saturday begin later than a normal Saturday for me, which was lovely, and after coffee with Tim (on his coffee break at Mermaid prison) we shared lunch and a walk. The most delightful moment came while watching The Holiday. We found that Julie did not know what Manischewitz is. We immediately stopped the film and went to the BevMo, for no Old Testament Major should be lacking a Manischewitz experience. We came home and worked on dinner, and drank that sweet kosher wine. After more wine (of the non-kosher variety), a couple of lemon drops, and a fabulous steak dinner, the three of us donned our dapper dans and headed to midtown for a night of what we thought would bring drinking, art, and city life.
Let me say this: Saturday night was SO much fun. However, it held very little of the expected (indeed promised) entertainment. We met up with acquaintances of theirs from church, and had a beer. Just one. How this makes me smile even now. Post beer we decided the restaurant had lost its charm and decided to move on to a more happening joint. After walking a few blocks we discovered that we had no direction. So we stopped to discuss with the six that had joined us. Turns out one of them decided to come downtown for drinks without her ID or any money. So we kept walking. Finally fed up, I turned to all of them and said, "Okay, so what are we doing? I know we can't go to a bar, but since I'm not from here you all have to give me ideas." The ID-slacker suggested a dessert place a few blocks away. "Lead the way!" I said enthusiastically. We got lost once, but finally made it. In a cute little fifties diner, we sat at a table, and no one ordered anything. Tim, being the gentleman and a food service employee, did the right thing and ordered us some cheesecake. We three enjoyed, while the other six stared on. Who are these people! I was appalled. Post dessert we gave up on them and went home.
The evening was a fun romping for Julie, Tim and I. We had a fabulous time joking and bashing about. One of the six was an attentive young man named Bryan who seemed impressed that a Christian girl could hold her own in the big city. Not being of the Christ persuasion, he casually attends church, but seems lost in himself, trying to not be the boy he was, but uncertain of the man he will be. I can relate to that, and had a great time letting him understand that Christians are not all like the five young friends he had come with that evening.
Sunday Church was interesting. The group has potential but definitely can use the outsiders perspective as they seem to miss some important relational interactions. There are unspoken crushes that could cause problems, spoken sermons that are not intended for the newbies (or even the non-congregants), fears and insecurities about what the heck they are all doing there, excitement about the possibilities and provisions before them, and an overall lack of forethought -regardless of how much time they spend on forethought. I believe they will be fine. Growing pains are always hard.
Overall, the weekend was glorious and relaxing. I have found a new escape.
-B.
PS. I bought a new purse. mmmm. accessories.
Friday night was nosh, wine, and banter. Tim went to bed fairly quickly, but Julie and I stayed up until the wee hours catching up and remembering each other. It was lovely to be in the presence of a person who knows me so well despite the fact that we don't talk regularly, and see each other even less. I love this girl.
Saturday begin later than a normal Saturday for me, which was lovely, and after coffee with Tim (on his coffee break at Mermaid prison) we shared lunch and a walk. The most delightful moment came while watching The Holiday. We found that Julie did not know what Manischewitz is. We immediately stopped the film and went to the BevMo, for no Old Testament Major should be lacking a Manischewitz experience. We came home and worked on dinner, and drank that sweet kosher wine. After more wine (of the non-kosher variety), a couple of lemon drops, and a fabulous steak dinner, the three of us donned our dapper dans and headed to midtown for a night of what we thought would bring drinking, art, and city life.
Let me say this: Saturday night was SO much fun. However, it held very little of the expected (indeed promised) entertainment. We met up with acquaintances of theirs from church, and had a beer. Just one. How this makes me smile even now. Post beer we decided the restaurant had lost its charm and decided to move on to a more happening joint. After walking a few blocks we discovered that we had no direction. So we stopped to discuss with the six that had joined us. Turns out one of them decided to come downtown for drinks without her ID or any money. So we kept walking. Finally fed up, I turned to all of them and said, "Okay, so what are we doing? I know we can't go to a bar, but since I'm not from here you all have to give me ideas." The ID-slacker suggested a dessert place a few blocks away. "Lead the way!" I said enthusiastically. We got lost once, but finally made it. In a cute little fifties diner, we sat at a table, and no one ordered anything. Tim, being the gentleman and a food service employee, did the right thing and ordered us some cheesecake. We three enjoyed, while the other six stared on. Who are these people! I was appalled. Post dessert we gave up on them and went home.
The evening was a fun romping for Julie, Tim and I. We had a fabulous time joking and bashing about. One of the six was an attentive young man named Bryan who seemed impressed that a Christian girl could hold her own in the big city. Not being of the Christ persuasion, he casually attends church, but seems lost in himself, trying to not be the boy he was, but uncertain of the man he will be. I can relate to that, and had a great time letting him understand that Christians are not all like the five young friends he had come with that evening.
Sunday Church was interesting. The group has potential but definitely can use the outsiders perspective as they seem to miss some important relational interactions. There are unspoken crushes that could cause problems, spoken sermons that are not intended for the newbies (or even the non-congregants), fears and insecurities about what the heck they are all doing there, excitement about the possibilities and provisions before them, and an overall lack of forethought -regardless of how much time they spend on forethought. I believe they will be fine. Growing pains are always hard.
Overall, the weekend was glorious and relaxing. I have found a new escape.
-B.
PS. I bought a new purse. mmmm. accessories.
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