Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Minneapolis, Snow, and Christmas Eve... in that order

Minneapolis was wonderful. WONDERFUL. See evidence here....

My Auntie Cheryl and Uncle Andy own and Direct a Ballet Company....

They put on the Nutcracker for Christmas every year...

This year I went to help out...

And I met Allen for the second time. (He is a dancer... see below.)

Dancer... see.

No worries, I am cute too. Gorgeous actually.

and I love my cousins...

And my aunt and uncle. I am one happy girl

Snow is horrible. HORRIBLE. I can't get my car out. I can't drive anywhere. It's making for a very disappointing Christmas Day.

Christmas Eve is sad. Why is that? I have a few suggestions: 1. It was so fabulous as a child that grown up Christmas's cannot compare. 2. I am not where I am meant to be. 3. I couldn't go to church and will also miss Midnight Mass.

It seems that every year Christmas Eve gets more and more disappointing. I always think that the next year things will turn around and Christmas will be happy again. But the next year comes and it is only more disappointing. My Nephew, of course, made this Christmas wonderful... but I worry. I worry that the day will never come when I am completely happy on Christmas. I always think that eventually something or someone will be in my life that will change all of this for me. Of course, if you notice what happened in Minneapolis, you'll notice that I should be happy, but happiness is over a thousand miles away. and much to young for me.

Christ is the meaning of Christmas. Today I spoke with a man, an LDS man. I was angered by his treatment of my faith. He so wanted to force me into a doctrine, into one church or another, and then show me how that church was wrong... all the while saying he was not judgemental. However, if he does not believe I will be in Heaven, how is he not judging me. He kept asking me questions and not allowing me to answer them. He would cut me off. Finally I cut him off. I told him I was done with our "discussion" and that I did not appreciate the way he had so lightly disregarded my knowledge, my degree, my religion(s), and my faith. He treated my degree as if it were nothing. Nothing. As though he should know better than me what scripture said merely because he was LDS and I was not. I was horrified. Now I feel ashamed to have been so proud, but still there is that small part of me that wants someone to recognize the hard work I put in. The five years I spent earning that degree in Theology, so that men could respect what I had to say about God.

I have always had great respect for the LDS church and their idea of tolerance. and love... especially within family. That is not gone from this one man, but I have gained a renewed appreciation for how to approach topics of God and Religion. I know I've done what this man did before... turning people away from God with my zeal and my desire to show them how right He is ... how right I am. Back in my days of "righteous zeal", I too would have shamed my Church in the name of Christ. I am saddened at how torn we are. On a day when the masses, of all denominations and faiths are celebrating together, separately but all at the same time... the birth of our Lord and Savior, I am crying- torn and alone- because I cannot see how my desire for ecumenism will ever play out to favor the world, or Christ, or even just me. I pray that some day it will be for some good... and not just pain in my soul and confusion and anger in the hearts of those around me. It must be right somewhere, for someone.... or else I should give it up entirely.

1 comment:

Iscah Mara said...

great pics. he really is just a puppy.

as for religion, at some point, my dear, this choice has to be about you and not the masses. it has to be you who is changed and made happy by your life. are you happy?