Monday, May 17, 2010

25 and single.

I don't know what crawled into the air this weekend, but the world seemed overly consumed with the fact that I am, have been, and will continue to be 25 and single. I don't know how many times I had the conversation about my current relationship status and why it is the way it is, but I do know that it was way beyond 1 time too many.

This is disconcerting for me, for a few reasons. First and most certainly foremost, I do not believe it to be odd that I am 25 and single. In fact, I find it relatively normal. It's not as if I am closeted away and refusing relationships right and left. I am a very active dater. I just haven't found anyone I would like to love. Is that really all that bizarre?

Second, my father has cancer. Granted, I have only just received this news, but I am not particularly comfortable with starting a relationship when I know that I may not have time for said relationship in the upcoming months, because I am at the hospital fighting for my father's life. Not to mention the emotional instability that accompanies this current familial malady, I am just not the girl who leaps into a serious relationship when my relationship with my father is so serious.

Third, I find that I make a fairly fabulous single woman. I am on it. I know me. I know you. I know this world. I've got this. Granted I fall apart every once in a while, but I am human. Who can blame me?

Lastly, and possibly most importantly there is this guy. We will call him GI Joe. I hate that I am this girl, so keep this one under wraps for me folks (this is hilarious because I know that this is the internet and the internet is even worse at keeping secrets than I am!), but I am kind of secretly falling for this guy in Afghanistan. He comes home in a few months and we will see what it all is then, but I only have the capacity to invest real emotions in one man at a time, and at this particular time I am choosing him. Maybe because he is far away, but mostly I think because he is wonderful. But I could be wrong. I guess we'll all find out later.

I think the thing that bothers me most is when people do 1 of 2 things. Some like to tell me that they are okay with me being single and that it is my choice and even if I am still single at 45 they will still love me and be okay with my life choices. There are only three letters for that and I will give you 1 guess at what they are. I am sorry, but who do you think you are? Seriously, I am single, not diseased. Why is being single at 25 (25! I'm not even old yet?!) a social faux pas? And to insinuate on top of this that I am somehow more alone than I would be if I married... ugh. I am an individual no matter how I relate myself to those around me and in that sense my self will always be my responsibility. I don't get to give away my self care when/if I get married, to some man who will inevitably screw it up, no matter how much I love him.

The second option some men in particular like to take is to tell me that they hope that our relationship is keeping me from seeking something lasting and meaningful with a future husband. I will freely admit that I am a HUGE fan of casual dating. I love it. I love to go out and have fun and forget about all the things that really matter and spend time with some one that, in the long run, just doesn't matter. But then they inevitably have the condescension to tell me that they care about me and are worried because they might be keeping me from forming a real relationship. I want to smack them. As if I need a real relationship, but somehow their relational responsibilities are less than my own, or somehow completed in some different way. I don't even understand this one, but it is completely conceded.

All of this to say, that I am 25 and Single and I am still waiting to understand why that is a bad thing? Especially if I am not unhappy with my current state? Any explanations would be welcome.

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