Friday, April 30, 2010

Dreading Friday.

One may ask how it is possible to dread a Friday. Allow me to explain. When the very last day of the month falls on a Friday, the entire day will be inevitably ruined if you are in sales. This is due to the fact that you must spend the entirety of the day selling to people that will most likely not purchase, because there is little to no incentive for them to do so. This is my job tomorrow and I am hating it. Quite sincerely.

I love my job. I even love sales. I even love sales calls. But I hate the End of Month rallies and calls and emails. I can't stand the adrenaline that goes into it all, especially when I am not going to win. Adrenaline is only fun when you think you will win. Otherwise, it is a waste of energy.

I want it to be tomorrow night, when I will meet up with old friends and catch up, reminisce. I want it to be Friday night, so that after reminiscing I can go on a date, which am secretly and happily excited about. It may not happen though... so that bit of adrenaline may be wasted. I hate that when you can't know for sure until the last minute... mostly because I hate wasting great outfits, if there is not actually going to be a DATE. ugh. Well cross your fingers for me and say a few Hail Mary's and we'll see what comes though.

Off to bed in order to start Friday off right. :)

Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Replacement

Every once in a while, life requires us to replace our thoughts with new thoughts. To journey forth into reality because the world we imagined does not actually exist before us. Where we thought there was safety there was none. Where we petitioned open-mindedness and understanding we found shock. This happens to me a lot.

Of course I must admit that this time is different. The bearing of a piece of information that is to me inconsequential, has before embarrassed me when I found that terrified others. I love to live life too fully. It is what we are here for. As my dearest brother likes to say "It is better to burn out than fade away..." and I must admit, I whole heartedly agree with him. In this case especially, I find myself untouched by the cautions I have received. Mostly because I just don't care. The portion of my life I am replacing here is long over. Years have gone before me, I have recognized my naivety, and I have solved the unbalanced ideals that waged war in my head. In short, I've grown up.

Replacement, though, must occasionally occur. Not necessarily for our own good, but for the good of those around us. I am often alone in my reflections on my life and choices. But I am not alone in life. My reflections can and will affect others if I blog about them (but isn't that the point?). Sometimes that affect is not what we would wish it to be. The only comment that made me replace my story was from one who had a very valid and immediate need that could be solved by the mere act of replacement. And so replacement has occurred. Because love is not always inappropriate and respect is a just act.

That we should not forget who are, because others are afraid of us (or for us), that we should not change our soul and ideals because others cannot abide them, that we should always embrace our community, even if that community has long since passed from our daily meanderings, let us remember the value of replacement.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Reflecting on the possible and eventual demise of my failing father

Painfully pleading for a past more pleasant
than this tearful torrent of tactless torture,
my soul seeks the sweet serenity of sorrow.
Losing loss is a long lasting letter of love
refusing to be re-read, but rather remembered
in an imagined illusion of illuminated ignorance instead
of the defined and daily dealings in which we dwell.
My meandering and mangy metanarrative masters the
existence eked out every eternity
by my bothersome and bastardly boredom.

He will die, but let's hope it's not today.