In preparation

July 12th, 3 days after my 25th birthday, I will speak in Church again. I have no assigned topic, and have been spending some serious time considering, researching, and writing to discover the story I wish to convey.
These are the topics I have covered in the past:
1. My father
2. The over accessibility of Christ (how to deal with how he speaks to me)
3. Post-modernity and modernity in the Church
4. Gomer

So far, I have nothing solid. I have considered talking about living in the Grey, and how that is not the same as holding a view opposite to those around you. This thought was birthed over dinner with the Morris'. I have been realizing that often I think I am "grey" because I am the black to the church's white, which is of course entirely untrue. I just am not sure where I would start or go with this idea. However, The Grey made me consider Pontifex, which is Latin for Bridge Builder, and the next tattoo I am planning for my body. The idea is my life a bridge builder between the Catholic and Protestant churches. But again, I don't know what this holds for anyone outside of myself. Pontifex made me consider what I have written in this space, and looking back on this year. I have considered talking about a year in the valley of the shadow of death, as 2009 is proving to be for me, but I do not know what hope I can offer in that topic. Lastly I have thought about talking about Jesus, but I have no idea what I would say. I feel that the topic of Christ is the topic for which I am least qualified, least prepared. My life with him is so solitary for me, so inexplicable, that I have no clue what I would say. I feel that my commitment to not base my life with Christ on sin in anyway, and the implications of that commitment, would shock those with whom I was sharing. Lastly, I thought maybe I should speak about 25 years in that church: What I've seen, who I have known, the tragedy, the growth, the love, the continuity, and the community of such a place. I don't know. Do you have thoughts?

I am preparing in this time, as well, for my trip to Alaska. My prayers are more fervent and excited than they have been in so long. I cannot begin to understand why I desire this trip so deeply. But oh how I want to be ready for anything. I am bolstering my courage, readying my spirit, working out to increase my body strength. I seriously want to be ready for anything. What is wrong with me?

Lastly, I am preparing to move to my new apartment. Packing begins on Saturday. I am excited.

That is all for now, because I am getting anxious to do something other than blog. and I am thirsty, and I want to be in Alaska now.

Bis Dann my loves,

B.