Hospitals, Gay-dars, and Friends

Well so so much has happened, so I am going to start in the middle and work out. I think that is the only healthy path.

Dad's surgery went well, but oh it was SO long. I was there for almost 17 hours. But we made it through and dad is in the ICU getting lots of rest. Now we wait to find out how recovery goes and if the cancer has spread. We pray that he can give up cigarettes completely and never drink again. We wish that we knew how to make things move faster with the State for funding. We worry that no matter how much we do it still won't be enough.

The day of the surgery was, for me, a very new experience. Peter and I went in with dad at first and all was fine. It still didn't register that that would be the last I would hear of his voice. I didn't get that until after the surgery. I knew it in my head, but hadn't accepted it. Bryce showed up around 9 and we played cribbage and other games for hours. Katie V. showed up with lunch around noon, and I loved her company. Russ and Tirell showed up around 3 and kept Peter company. Auntie Jeanette came around 3 and played more games with Bryce and I.

Bryce is a friend of mine, but never have I had a person so support me on such a hard day. He was there for me. and just me. That was weird. And amazing. And if his mother ever had a chance to read this I would tell her that she raised one of the finest men I've met. He stayed with me the whole day, drove me home, let me cry, let me nearly pass out, kept me from passing out, and even let me sleep. Seriously. I have been blessed with some awesome friends.

Last week, I yanked a gay man out of the closet. Now I dated this gay man about a year ago. I didn't know he was gay. He did not alert my gay-dar in the slightest. I just couldn't make chemistry happen so I stopped dating him. As the next few months passed, I just didn't get it. Then it hit me one night, and I couldn't let it rest. All this year I have been hinting, trying to get him to admit it to me, while simultaneously avoiding any other dates he asked me on. This time I couldn't avoid him any longer. I told him I wouldn't go on a date, but we could have dinner as friends. I didn't intend to yell at him. I didn't intend to talk about his sexuality, but he brought up gay men and something in me snapped. In the middle of my favorite bar, I went off! on him. I yelled about how people should not lie about their sexual orientation, how people should not keep things like that a secret. I mean I get it. I understand why you would not want people to know, but really, it is so frustrating. Especially when the guy is just trying to use you as his beard. I am getting angry again. Needless to say, he told me the truth.... he's Bi. Which is not the same as gay. Okay.

I have to go off and sign some more papers, and be with my dad. I hope your week is as productive as mine.