A New life... again.

I have this awful cycle in my life where I must continually start over and build a new life. I am so very tired of it. But facts must be faced and I must again start over. I have a lovely home, and my lovely friends and family, but other than that I need to build life all over again.

I need a new job. I got laid off from my wonderful new job that I posted about a few posts back. Laid off again. ugh.

I need a new car. I sold my car when my company got me a new car, which I had to give back when I was laid off. ugh.

I need a new boyfriend. I know this one isn't as essentially true. But I would like a family some day and I have decided it is well past time to realize that I have to put the last one out of my mind.

So here's my mission. I am very studious once I have goals. Extremely fastidious. I will be again. Right now.

Today's goals:
1. Work out: I find it easier to get men to like me when I weigh less. Some of that has to do with my confidence level (most of it actually) and some of it has to do with facts of life.
2. Clean my room and do laundry: I'm having a party on Saturday and this just has to be done. The rest of the house is ready, now I have to get ready.
3. Apply for 15 jobs. Yes 15. I also have to recreate my tracking list of job applications. I did this last time and had a job very quickly.
4. Apply for unemployment. I couldn't do this earlier so I'm doing it today.

Tomorrow's goals:
1. Work out.
2. Apply for 15 jobs.
3. Shop for Saturday's party.

Saturday's goals:
1. Work out.
2. Apply for 5 jobs (I get a weekend relaxation break.)
3. Clean the house one last time before the party.

That's enough goals for this moment. :)

Dating again...

So because my lovely wonderful ex boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago, I started dating again. Am I ready to date again? The answer remains a resounding NO. Do I continue to date again anyway? Well Yes. Yes I do.

Being the overly intelligent woman I am, I decided to start dating again only two weeks after he broke up with me. The first guy I went out with was out for 1 thing and 1 thing only. I've rarely been treated less like a lady. I let him know that he was not for me immediately.

The second guy I went out with is super nice but we decided to be just friends. We get along well but we don't have any kind of chemistry and I find him a little annoying. However, he can be really cool to hang out with. So we hang out sometimes.

The third guy I went out with, I have been out with twice now. He really likes me. He is so very nice. He's funny and he thinks I'm hilarious. He's an architect. I should be thrilled.

But I'm not. I'm not thrilled and I feel terrible about it. He is really really cool, but I can tell he likes me way more than I like him. Mostly because I don't have any kind of feeling for him. Mostly because when I am out with anyone, I am wishing that it was Ananth sitting across from me instead of whoever I happen to be out with. I just sit there and continually force my thoughts away from him. And then I pray that all of that would go away. Hurray for being such a freaking sucker.

Can I just tell you that dating is so much work. Half the time I'm wishing I wasn't on a date and the other half of the time I'm thinking about getting my "I need attention" meter filled for the day. And this is what makes me such a terrible person.

I hate having to break things off with someone I don't even know. More though I hate that I feel like I need to be with someone. Ugh.

Okay I'm going to a Sounders game now. First Soccer game. Huzpas!