Friday, September 3, 2010

Blessed Assurance

Jesus is mine.

Sometimes I just have to have a day or two where I am completely excited that salvation happens and that it happens for me. And for you.

Here's the deal: I am rarely excited about salvation. True to my nature, I hate grace. I require it, but by golly it is my least favorite thing. I shouldn't need grace. I should be able to force myself into a level of goodness that surpasses grace. However I can't. Dwelling on thoughts of salvation often causes me anger or deep immovable sorrow. So I ignore salvation... not a great practice.

Here's the kicker: Once I realized not only my need for grace, but God's need to give it to me, I suddenly decided to live grace as fully as I could. I took grace for a walk and said, "Alright, let's see what you can really handle." Grace can handle a lot more than I can.

I get tired, so quickly, of pushing the limits of my view of God. I've come to a point, and have been stuck here for quite some time, where I have the foundations firmly set, but everything else is ambiguous and up for discussion. For example, I love God, and believe him to be the creator. I love Jesus, and believe that grace and hope come through him. I love the holy spirit, and believe that he dwells right here with me. Beyond that, I'm pretty open. Some days that is really comfortable for me, and other days it scares me a lot. Studying theology simultaneously freed me from guilt and obligation, and bound me into the apathy that so often accompanies ambiguity.

So then I am so thankful for those days, like today and the last few days, where I find myself just really happy to have faith and to celebrate that. I get to forget momentarily that I have chosen to live in the tension between different celebrations of the Christocentric faiths, and rather revel in the peace that came with my choice to celebrate a broader depiction of the Man who first loved me.

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